To be honest with you, I never quite knew what I really wanted. I always felt a bit insecure about the future and couldn’t imagine myself to be someone really.
Then I grew older and I kind of needed to figure out what to do with my life. I felt like becoming a 3D artist and that’s why I started studying. The funny thing was, I hated it. It was complex and took a lot of time and effort before you could produce something really cool.
That’s why I gave up.
It was because I never really wanted to become a 3D artist. I just liked the idea of being one. But as soon as I realized how hard it would be to succeed, I quit immediately.
What felt like failure at first, turned out to be one of those happy accidents. Why? Because I was so fed up and gave up on this 3D artist thing that I was able to focus on something completely new.
As a disillusioned man, I was freed from the illusion.
Oh, I forgot to mention, I was so disillusioned that I stopped doing anything at all. Sometimes I visited the class room but most of the time I was at home. Doing … nothing really.
Maybe you know this, maybe you don’t – the days you wake up late, just to waste most of it lying in bed, watching some TV shows, and realize it’s already night again and you’re still in your pyjamas.
Then we started Simplease and suddenly I became a founder or entrepreneur if you prefer. And while I still have days like those described above, I am enjoying them now. Because I don’t feel any guilt anymore.
The sheer fact that I was doing something (reading about design, working with my colleagues, going to client meetings), was enough to free myself from doubts. I didn’t stop worrying completely but I felt like a productive person.
Being productive feels good and helps to ease your mind when it comes to self doubts. But being productive only lasts so long. Soon you’ll experience new doubts about yourself and everything will start over again.
The act of just doing something will soon not be enough anymore … that’s why we need to proceed. Next step is to find out what to do.
Wait! Find out what to do? Aren’t we then back at the beginning where I tried to figure out what to do, just to realize that it sucked?
Yes, we are. And that’s why we need to stop here for a second.
Letting go of expectations and just do something
Life is not about finding out what you want and then trying hard to reach this expectation. Life is not about your dreams, ideas and fantasies. Life is about the experience.
It doesn’t matter what you always wanted to be. It’s just a fantasy. What matters is this moment now. What are you doing right now?
Are you enjoying what you do? Do you like the way it is? Even if not, are you acknowledging it for what it is. Well, that’s life. It’s about paying attention.
You can still measure your life against your fantasies when you’re grey and old. Do the analysis later, experiment now – before it’s too late.
Go out, start a company … or don’t do it. Just do whatever you’re doing. Then look at yourself. Do you like what you’re doing? I’m not talking about you career opportunities or anything, I’m talking about the actual doing. Can you enjoy it?
No? Do something else. But really do something and don’t become a whiner who moans about everything, because he or she decided to be in a bad mood for some reason.
Life is a question of attitude. If you really want to be an artist, start practicing today. Don’t watch the third repetition of your favorite TV show. Don’t do something that’s not even qualified to be called „doing something“ but actually do something for real.
Take out a pen and paint on a piece of paper. Write down some words, maybe start singing them. Do whatever you’re doing and do it with dedication. That’s at least the best way, I know how to do something.